How To Ask for Help

Why is it so difficult to ask for help?

As a high performer and leader within my organization and family, I struggled with this one too! Asking for help can be incredibly challenging for many reasons:

• Vulnerability: Admitting that we need help can make us feel exposed and vulnerable. It may seem like we’re admitting weakness or failure.
• Independence Culture: Many of us have been raised in cultures that prize independence and self-sufficiency, making it hard to reach out when we need support. I was a ‘turn-key’ 90’s kid. My siblings and I had to fend for ourselves after school while our middle-class parents were still on shift. Very common during that time as after-school services were not a thing back then. This has served me well in most cases – except when I need to ask for help!
• Fear of Judgment: There’s often a fear that others will judge us or think less of us if we admit we’re struggling. The mentality of ‘what will they think.’
• Lack of Awareness: Sometimes, we’re not even aware that we need help or what kind of help would be beneficial. We don’t even know what we need. 

I don’t have a good support system. Where do I start?

Building a support system takes time and effort, but it’s an essential part of managing stress. Here are some steps to get started:

• Identify Potential Allies: Look for people in your existing network who are empathetic and trustworthy. This could be friends, family members, colleagues, or even mentors.
• Join Communities: Consider joining groups or communities that share your interests or challenges. This could be a professional group, a hobby club, or an online community.
• Seek Professional Help: Don’t hesitate to reach out to professionals such as therapists, coaches, or counselors who are trained to provide support and guidance.
• Be Proactive: Sometimes, you need to take the first step. Don’t wait for others to reach out—initiate conversations and be open about your needs. As you have heard in my burnout programs, 70% of the people in my life left when I needed them the most. As a people pleaser, I was a giver and rarely received. This awakening showed me I setup the wrong ‘tribe’. Setup your supportive tribe now to avoid a situation like mine.

How can I overcome the fear of judgement when asking?

Overcoming the fear of judgment can be tough, but here are some strategies that can help:

• Change Your Mindset: Remind yourself that everyone needs help at times. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
• Start Small: Begin by asking for help with smaller tasks or seeking advice on minor issues. This can build your confidence over time.
• Choose the Right People: Reach out to those who have shown themselves to be understanding and non-judgmental. Their positive responses will help reduce your fear.
• Focus on the Benefits: Think about the positive outcomes of getting help—reduced stress, better solutions, and improved well-being. Power in numbers. Spread out the workload by having people there for back-up when you need it. A give and receive type relationship. 

What if I ask for help and don’t get the response I need?

Not everyone will respond as you hope, and that’s okay. Here’s how to handle it:

• Don’t Take It Personally: Understand that people have their own limitations and may not always be able to help. Everyone has so much going on at any point of time. Just because they are unable to help now doesn’t mean they won’t be able to help later.
• Seek Alternatives: If one person can’t help, don’t be discouraged. Keep looking until you find someone who can provide the support you need. It could be bad timing or not their strength. You can’t change other people, See where they might be able to help in other ways.
• Build Resilience: Each attempt makes you more resilient and better prepared for the next time you need to ask for help. 

Practice at your next team meeting. As the group continues to discuss, let's re-engage that team energy and enhance communication! Build out your team program with me over a call: Schedule Here